I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
