Don't make out with my wife yet
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
