he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
