we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
you made out with another girl for some wings
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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