In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
