Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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