On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
