getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
