Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
