I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Randomize
