I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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