i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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