Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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