Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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