Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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