My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
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