Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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