I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
