My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
