I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
