how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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