dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
