I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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