glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
