you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
