I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
