make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
