Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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