yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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