the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
