Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
