were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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