I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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