she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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