I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
