At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
