Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
