peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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