so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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