Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
