omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I love having hate sex.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
