so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
