she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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