why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
