I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize