ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
