there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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