in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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