Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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