He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
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