remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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