just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
