today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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