So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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