This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
