she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
