I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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