In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
it's not cheating when I paid for it
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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