Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
