her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize