We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
