Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
