I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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