Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
