All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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