Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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