Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
