This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Randomize
