I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
