'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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