Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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