We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
