Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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