Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
When did angry sex become our thing?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize