i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
How external is "for external use only"?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
