I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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