May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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