did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize