your room smells of hookers.
And success
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
