so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
