Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
God I need to hump something, right now.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
