i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
