he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Houston, we have a blender
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize