big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
my sisters under your porch take her home
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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