I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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