i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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