hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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