you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
