I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
