I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
