hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
