my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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