please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
where are you?
Hypothermia
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
