dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
