ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
