im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
