Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
