We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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