since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
